Who flipped the bird without a thought.
All I could think, afterwards, was how trashy I felt.
And then I thanked God I wasn't like them.
But then, didn't that make me just like them?
I mean, who am I to judge them?
I have no right when I myself have my own sins.
In fact, I should be the one judging myself.
I have sin. I have things I regret.
Yet, I am guilty of judging them for what they do?
After all, they wear their marks with pride.
But I am guilty of covering them up.
If you can't see them it means they aren't there... Right?
WRONG.
God knows they are there.
He knows that I was one amongst the crowd.
Mocking. Laughing.
I also denied my God.
I used his name in vein. I am ashamed.
For I called his name when everything was going right.
But cursed him in the trials of life.
I blamed him, shouting, "How could you leave me when I needed you most!"
In reality?
I was the one who left.
He was there all along; especially in those struggles.
Yet, I turned to my own selfish ambitions. I turned to my own ways!
Instead of trusting him?
I trusted no one but myself.
And maybe that's why I feel so guilty.
Because I was no better than those people.
I was no better than the Pharasees that judged.
Or the tax collectors who knew not of a God.
I judged, when I should have repented for my own foolish ways.
I criticize them, when I should've criticized myself.
I hated them, even though God loved me.
So, instead maybe I should be confronting my own sin.
Maybe, just maybe, I will finally be able to confront it all.
And soon, I'll be able to move past all of these hidden burdens.
Because it makes me realize that, although we may not deserve it.
God loves us unconditionally. And we have underestimated that.
But truly? Maybe we underestimated, not just his healing,
But the power we have once we forgive ourselves as well.
And that is my prayer for me. My judgemental heart.
And anyone else who has been struggling with that.
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