To Be Here

The thought of a beating heart in my mind

A thought of the times

Just a reminder of the way of our kind

No matter when life is a bind

There is no way to help no way we can find

To stop the future from being full of dread

As a memory of the rough tread

Wishing that things could stay the same

That these good weeks that have gone and came

Could just be the ones without times of change

I wish I knew what was going to happen

A blanket of comfort to forever be wrapped in

Instead of the uneasy feeling of bad winds

A storm just waiting to pass

The sinking knowledge knowing it came all fast

Too fast to process or to know the plan

Will this life every let me get a win?

Or am I stuck in this downhill spiral

This sickness of dread gone viral

Worry and anxiety are such an eye roll

Will someone please just come to stay

I don’t want another to walk away

Please if only you may

Be here and in every single day

What She Wants

She’s trying her hardest to be okay

But not knowing is killing her day by day

Waiting and hoping for him to stay by her side

Her friends and drugs the only thing keeping her alive

And when it feels like there’s nowhere to hide

She’s desperate for a release: a change in stride

Her thoughts drift like the tide

Dreading the decisions makes her wilt up inside

Knowing that she just wants it to already be time

Starting to replace all those walls

Just in case they crumble and fall

She wants to plea for him to hold her

But she doesn’t even know if it’s over

When all she wants is to just be there

To prove how much she wants and cares

Even though the decision is all his own

She hopes he doesn’t do it alone

The toxic past soon comes to wait

As she waits for her soon to be said fate

Dreading him getting hurt and being back in place

For cheaters cheat and they don’t trust their mate

She dreads that she may soon have to say goodbye

She tries to prepare herself to cut those ties

But can she really after all they’ve been through

She has to ask why

Why can he think about her who straight up lied

Knowing he deserves better than that my oh my

She wants to tell him that she misses him

But he just wants space

Time to process and try to erase

Or is this all just a game or another phase

She wishes she knew so she could plan the way

Having control is one thing she craves 

And not having that is causing waves

Trauma coming back to haunt not save

And she’s struggling as much as him

When this entire situation is more than a whim

She just wants to be okay

She just wants him to stay