Together Alone

 My thoughts are so hard to keep inside the lines

The truth of feeling trapped in the confines of my mind

Wishing with everything in my soul and my time

That I could just be okay, that I could just be fine

Wishing that depression wouldn't run rampant

Wishing that the lows I go were just some sort of entertainment

Wishing beyond a shadow of a doubt that we could work it out

Wishing that but knowing that that thought wasn't well thought out

Am I so far lost or gone that there is no hope

Have we crossed a bridge made of breaking rope? 

Or tied to the stake to be burned alive.

Trying to remember the last time I felt growth or could thrive

My darkness is simply a fire instead of a monster under the bed

Tired of being stuck on the inside like some sort of make-believe or pretend

The ideations I have are so hard to comprehend

I feel so lost in the world and not a priority again

No matter what has happened apparently I'm not worth the time

Second choice always get stuck in the dirt and the grime

I am disappointed in myself more than it may seem

It seems like sometimes all my life is one bad dream

Would my cry for help even be heard

Seems like the only way I can communicate is through spoken word

I'm sorry that I'm emotionally outside the realm

But in my defense with my past, it's been quite the worldly hell

As the demons come to stalk me as one of their prey

I needed you to help me be okay

But it never seems that it quite works out that way

You're always gone when I need you the most to stay

Life is such a difficult thing

It's so hard to be an emotional human being

And then you're gone and need the space

And I need to be aware that you can spend time away

But it kills me a little as I'm hurting inside

Knowing that you could disappear right in front of my eyes

Missing you most when you're mentally drained

Missing you most when you're mentally away

Wishing we could just sync our issues and deal at different moments

Wishing that we didn't have to bear it alone

Wishing I could just open up and let it all out

To be able to tell you PTSD and trauma are really about

I'm so broken it isn't even funny

But you don't know that because to you I'm always sunny

Buying you things with all of my money

Hoping that you'll be happier that way

Knowing that it's more physical than emotionally paved

Wishing I could be real for just a second

And let you in without a moment to regret it

Sick to my stomach as I tell you things

Putting some of out there while our bond's in jeopardy

I'm sorry that things can't be different

But we both have issues to work out to make a dent

So that maybe not all of our efforts were spent

I don't want this all to be for nothing

I like you shouldn't that be something 

I miss you and I hope we can be okay

But I also know that things can't be the same...

Both of us will need to grow and need to change

But I don't want to do it without you, Babe