Life Sucks

 I'm tired of the pain you've caused.

The divide that rubbed me raw.

When things come and go and I think it is finally going to be okay.

Just for you to kick me again and walk away.

I thought I was going to enjoy it better.

The nature of this job light as a feather.

But no: you go and ruin all of that.

You destroy my hope and good nature up to bat.

You remind me of my ex.

Toxic and narcissistic as they come.

Always getting high from bringing others down.

Can't you see the trouble you bring?

Your words hurt and they sting.

And bring back memories of suicidal things.

You aren't healthy and you need help.

I wish you would leave us to be well.

But that isn't your motto.

Your toxic need for power in full throttle. 

But know what goes around comes around.

I'm a Little Sad

 I wish you were here for my birthday,

Even though I understand why you're not.

Priorities in life change and some become less thought.

I'm sad though. It kind of hurts.

It kind of makes me feel a little less of that worth.

I understand and I don't blame you at all. 

But I needed to get this off my chest before I begin to bawl.

I'm sorry that you feel so stretched thin.

And that it isn't your fault: there's no way to win.

For the game you play you can't compete,

I know I stopped trying years ago and accepted defeat.

Whatever happened to my built-in-best-friend?

I feel like he might be gone.

Even though I knew it would happen all along:

It doesn't make it an easier weight to bear:

I guess I'm just kind of a little sad you won't be there.

Don't feel guilty: please that isn't my intention...

I simply wanted to feel more than just an honorable mention.

A Denarius

In Matthew chapter 20 in the vineyard

The workers claimed it wasn’t fair

To get paid for the day for the same as the hour

But if it wasn’t for last getting paid first

Then the consequences wouldn’t have been worse

If you think about it it was all based on them being compared

That was the reason they claimed it wasn’t fair

All that for a denarius they didn’t have to share

If it was only the opposite way

Then the workers would have no ill to say

And in the generosity of the master

They were jealous being the latter

The way we do often sometimes

And we think they we deserve more 

Because we loved Christ way before

Our behavior is less than poor

When we realized we aren’t the only chosen and blessed

And God cleans all of us of our mess

Not just people who chose him at birth

Or spend every Sunday at church 

To choose him at the end

But he wants us to choose him again and again

To redefine logic and grace

He has more mercy than we comprehend or used to face

There’s a safety net we can place

But jealousy often shows it’s ugly head

Turning our greed into a common stead

We are peace and we are love 

But we cannot be like Jonah and put ourselves above

We are one in the same

All destined for the same fate. 

Unless we choose Jesus as our savior and friend

Then we can all be saved and there’s no reason to contend

There’s enough of his love for us all in the end. 

Happy

There is just something about the love of another

The one who holds you when the physical ailment is bad

When the cramps go from just okay to pure sad.

A special someone to be your personal heating pad.

And one who: no matter how near or far

You know they are close in heart.

When you find a love just like that

It makes the crummy days weigh less like muscle:

And more like fat.

Safety and security are found in their arms,

Even though distance sucks

You aren’t alarmed.

Sure you make miss them like the fiery inferno.

But the hugs afterwards are Muy Bueno.

If there was ever a time to be happy 

I guess it is now.

Even though on my own sucks a major cow.

I rest and sleep holding memorabilia tight.

Like sweatshirts with a lingering scent.

Or a cute photo from months that have came and went.

I cry these tears both in pain and in love.

Knowing that my person’s in a state shaped like a glove.

And these sad alone times really make me think.

That I love you more than my farts do stink.

That I love you like Romeo and Juliet.

But if you die on me your ghost will definitely regret.

More in my mind than soft things or puppies…

I love you more than a child loves her bubby.

And I love you more than you low me:

And that’s measured in mega quintuply.

P.S. thank you for buying me food maybe I was a little hangry.

Happy Birthday Grandpa

 Today is harder than most.

It is your birthday and all I can do is this post.

I can't be the last one to call you and you get all upset that I'm not the first.

After all, I'm the favorite grandchild... not the worst.

You saying you're turning 29 for the thirtieth year.

That doesn't have quite the same ring to it I fear.

For now you are gone and up to heaven.

You left us when my life was just getting revving. 

And today is hard because I miss you more.

On a day like today were we would celebrate who you are.

Where you would have Grandma's chocolate éclair.

And pretend like 29 suites you in your big chair.

I'm sorry for not being there as you took your last breath.

I'm sorry my last poem to you came while you were on your death bed.

And I'm sorry to say I didn't call as much as I had intended.

Even after that final fishing trip had ended.

When me and Dad realized your balance wasn't the same.

And you had to put an end to your fishing and big game.

Grandpa you are still in our hearts always but more so today.

As this is the day you came to be into this world:

And brought joy, grumpiness, cokes, and always something to be learned.

You taught me so much: more than I can talk about: I don't dare

For the sacred rule of the boat was don't fish and share.

I miss you and I will hold you dear:

You'll always be in our hearts; and shown in our tears...

Happy 29th Birthday to a Grandfather, Fisherman, and Husband of 62 years.

The Love of a Grandpa

Aging doesn't make this any easier.

It is as certain as hallmark is getting cheesier.

And you would definitely know that so well.

As you watched all the romance stories continue to tell.

Willing to watch and to just be.

Even though the time spent is never free.

Knowing the smile of your wife you'd see.

And that happiness you can't beat.

The only thing that trumps that is her love for ice cream.

Wishing that we could just go back to that time.

When I was young and stupid and thought everything was fine.

Just a little too naive for my own peace of mind.

Not knowing you'd be called back and that time was confined.

Even as I think about your time on earth coming to an end,

Twenty years together have come and went.

And I still think of all the early 5 am mornings that blend.

Spent on the boat with the wisdom you lent.

Knowing that the stories don't even put a dent.

Of the 83 years that you lived and spent.

Fishing and reminiscing,

Woodworking and shooting guns outback,

Camping and spending time with the family you never lacked

Loving the dog that you claimed you would never love back

Dudley will join you in heaven you were sure of that.

I don't think I'll ever be okay with saying goodbye

And though hiding the tears I will try,

Nothing will come close to all the memories gone by.

And though you have found your new home,

Your passing leaves this family just a little more alone.

Despair and sadness mask us in its cologne.

Even though we know you are among the angels as of now

It doesn't make me happy to think about how...

How you taught me to fish and spend time on the boat

How your love for Grandma kept your marriage afloat.

How you inspired. How you fathered.

Even as your lungs because your biggest bother.

Even as I think about your time on earth coming to an end,

Twenty years together have come and went.

And I still think of all the early 5 am mornings that blend.

Spent on the boat with the wisdom you lent.

Knowing that the stories don't even put a dent.

Of the 83 years that you lived and spent.

Fishing and reminiscing,

Woodworking and shooting guns outback,

Camping and spending time with the family you never lacked

Loving the dog that you claimed you would never love back

Dudley will join you in heaven you were sure of that.

Our last conversation was almost more than I could bear,

Even with all of the death I still wasn't prepared.

Not aware of the tears I couldn't hide.

My phone call with my hand as shakey as the tide.

Comforting me more than I did you,

Knowing that you'd be gone, but I didn't have to.

That I would still be here processing your death.

Memories make this a very hard but happy path.

As you called me Mable and taught me Suduko

And I suspect my love for that can't ever come to

But what I do hope and assume

Is that you are no longer just a human.

You have gone back to the father we share.

And deep down in my heart, you will always be there.

Dwelling with the others that I have lost.

But that doesn't mean I don't hate the cost.

The cost of age and life turned to death.

At least you get all of eternity to rejoice and rest.

But I will always miss you, Grandpa, you were the best.

There's nothing like the love of a Grandpa to show you that.