Change With Age

What if I'm not ready?
Why can't things just be the same?
Why does everything have to change?
When age wasn't just a range.
When it was simply a time to just be young.
A time to enjoy the little things and sit in the sun.
When 2000's were jams you just kind of sung.
Instead of now being a reminder that so much time has passed.
And that I'm just another role that's been in the cast.
Just somebody having to complete yet another task.
Why do I feel like everything that has come has went?

Regardless of the amount of time or effort spent.

As if it doesn't matter if I am persistent.

For no mater what I say.

No matter what I do.

I'm never the one who gets to choose.
Do I get a choice in my own life?
Caught up in the messy tales of a sacred knife.
The only hope I have to keep my head a float:
Is knowing the amount I already have underneath my boat.

The baggage I continue to store in my toat.

The lack of wind under my sail.

This too can't make me fail.
For even though these waters haven't been smooth as of yet.
From mental health to suicides to death.
To all the goodbyes that have been ripped out of my chest.
There is little to fear.
For I know that the battle is anywhere but here.

And if I hold tight to the steer.

Maybe the enemy won't draw near.

And freedom is soon in sight.
It sure beats drowning in the light.
Or standing beside while someone else fights.
I hate being a bystander.
Watching a loved one die of cancer.
Knowing you'll always be surrounded by the banter.
When an argument isn't big enough to be called as so.
But it hangs over the air like a freshly shot doe.
And sooner or later the truth you will know.
That no matter how ready or not you may be.
The change will hit you and come for me.
And whether or not I get swept up by my feet.
What I hope and pray is that I'll still live up to my good deeds.

That the expectations of those who came before I still meet.

That I won't be in the audience with a bad seat.

As I try to set these feelings free.

Maybe a difference I will see.
That I will be able change.

Even in my different age.

That this isn't just a phase.

That regardless of how much I have to pay.

That maybe someday I'll get a say.
Regardless of how much life is in a disarray.

Maybe the anxiety I'll be able to tame.

Even as the time of change came.

I'll learn to cope and not to blame.

Knowing that my life will never be the same.