I need to be held but that is a fleeting thought
A faraway wish knowing I’ll never have
Why do I rely on you when it’s always bad
When you are missing as I need you most
Changing to be closed off isn’t a boast
I need you to be here and you’re not
Did you even give me one last thought
A friendship isn’t just being there
It’s showing someone you actually care
Instead of just having them hang around anywhere
But it seems to me you will just let me be
Talk to me when you’re free
As if I’ll hang on your every word
As if that would be good enough for me?
The severity of the situation has escalated inside
I’m slowly losing the last piece of my mind
I need stability control and growth to flower
But you just like the feeling of having power
As if there’s not an ounce missing at all
That thought alone makes me curl up into a ball
Why do you even talk to me?
When I can clearly see
I’m more here for you than you for me
So why can’t I just leave
The worst part is you were who I began to believe
The one who was “different” and not another thief
I guess it was my fault for being deceived
When I was finally able to trust someone again
Is the real tragedy
Words of affirmation would make my day
It’s more than a gift or quality time would say
Just a reminder that I’m doing okay
But what I receive is little to none for what I pay
We were warned of getting taken advantage of
But I thought I always just did it out of love
Yet you seem to enjoy using me as you please
Once you found out helping people is my disease
I’m infected with the want to feel needed
But at this point, I wish I could avoid the conceded
Knowing that you’ll always find a way
To make me lower my guard and stay
If only life was my own remedy
But it seems like that isn’t the right cup of tea
Instead, mine is filled with depression and PTSD
Brokenness that tends to chase me around
Started in middle school buried underground
Hidden among the fake smiles and missing tears
I think I’ve been hurting for one too many years
Maybe that’s why I let you treat me like you do
And yet I still sit here and say I need you
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